Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize