I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
