i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize