i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
