so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
