We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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