the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish my penis had an off switch
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
