nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
