Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
