can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
