Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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