Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
