I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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