I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
