dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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