i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
