I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
