I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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