You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
As shirtless as possible
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
