I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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