I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize