I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it glows. i had to have it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
