I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my being single is dangerous.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
