So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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