too bad you live with your parents still
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
