she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
