Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
time to smoke my breakfast
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize