That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
