I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
