you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
