Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
