Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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