he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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