If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
