It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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