I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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