you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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