i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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