getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
