somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
