There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
