Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
