Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
