I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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