My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
