she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
