he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I deserve this hangover.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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