Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
