Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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