He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
