'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
