It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
