Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
