Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
