he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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