I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
