im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
