i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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