i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
