he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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