he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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