Yo dont text me then not text me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
