"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize