i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
