I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
