New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
