so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
