Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
