Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
two words: eviction party
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
