I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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