I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize