ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
