I need to stop coming to work sober
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
