Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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