I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
