Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
