people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize