would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
