I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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