This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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