PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
