I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
