I puked a lego.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize