The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
