A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
