I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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