If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
