I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
